You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
