So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
