im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
