The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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