I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
