This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
