Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
