It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
