I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
