just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
