Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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