and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
