the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
