im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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