I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
