I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's like iHOP with fire
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
