I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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