YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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