i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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