Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
