Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
its not stalking. its research.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
