my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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