I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
