This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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