Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
