i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
