my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
