Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
