her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
