"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
