It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its about making memories worth repressing
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
