my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
