I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
