There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
