K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
