my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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