I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
