I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
