Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dick very happy bro
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
