Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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