bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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