i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
