letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
