I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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