we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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