dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
