Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
