haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
