apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
