his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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