Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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