i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
