She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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