This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
