Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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