i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
