forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
