he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
