I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
