you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
