My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
